I'm going to start something new here.  "What I learned from television" will be a post that pretty much explains itself -- I'll just jot down for you, hopefully in prolific prose, what I learned from the previous night of television (although I'll cheat sometimes and just throw in some random non-TV stuff).  I'll do this after nights of heavy television action, which for most of the world is Thursday nights (with Community, The Office, 30 Rock, Always Sunny, The League, any previously DVR'ed shows, TNT, etc). I obviously can't get around to watch all of them, because I'm not entirely socially inept, but I try to get to them sooner or later.  This way you can learn a little bit more about "Bob" and pick up on a few things yourself if you didn't watch the shows.  If you knew all this crap before, then pat yourself on the back and move along.  If you didn't, you're welcome.  If you want to share what you learned last night, share it in the comments (but don't be a douche).

The first thing I learned tonight was actually not from TV.  I volunteered at a winetasting event and had to pop bottles like 50 cent and pour a perfect 1 1/8 ounces into prominent lawyers' glasses.  I had to get exactly 24 pours out of each bottle or else I had to answer to a gay guy named Skip.  My wine was Chateau St. Michelle Riesling from Columbia Village, Washington -- an off-dry white wine.  I guess I learned more about wines and my zipper was 3/4 of the way down for 1/2 the event (which was completely unrelated to Skip).

The first thing I learned from TV on Thursday night was that Lebron James does a whole lot of bitching.  He's supposed to be this freak athlete, which he is, and the second coming of Michael Jordan, which he's not, but I don't ever remember seeing freak athletes or Jordan cry over no-calls like Lebron did.  And the face he made at the end of the game when he "thought" he got fouled, looked like someone farted in his face at the same time he walked in on his girlfriend hooking up with Brian Scalabrine.

Moving on to "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"...

...and kitten "mittons."

Nuff said.

"The League" is two shows old right now and I'm already sweatin' it.  I'll be honest and say I never knew what "eskimo brother" was before the episode.  If you knew what that meant beforehand, then you sir/mam, are a better person than I.  Kudos.  Not only did I learn that terminology, but I also realized my family tree is probably of Jack the Beanstalk height and a lot of the limbs are probably long lost.  Luckily, I think I'm on or near the top for most, so I should be 83% healthy.  Also, having sex in a Prius is both fun and good for the environment.

I watched last week's episode of "Californication" late in the night and I learned that it's probably quite possible for chicks to get pregnant via a turkey baster.  I'm just guessing that's how surrogate pregnancies and the artificial inseminations were done before technology stepped up its game.

Charles Barkley was excellent on TNT.  I learned that he can't pronounce "athleticism" and he managed to gross out viewers by showing pictures of himself without a shirt on.  The Spurs were not excellent.

I'll end with a toast I picked up on in "Californication."   Here's to our beautiful family, our black president, and my magnificent dong.   All good things.

Last but not least, keep your girls away from Rick Springfield.

And parents said TV fries the brain...

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