You know that awkward moment when it's the day after Prince Fielder Day and nothing really sounds as interesting because it's not about Prince Fielder? We don-MASCOT PHOTOBOMB!

OK I lied, because I have a couple more Fielder-related links. Brennan Boesch is as excited as this little guy, except about hitting in front of Cabrera and Fielder. Speaking of Cabrera, Miggy's looking ripped. And no, you're not crying about this one, you just had a bug fly into your eye. But seriously, pass the Kleenex.

The Red Wings got the French kicked out of them in Montreal last night. In order to make you feel better, The Production Line gives an appropriate ooh la la to Alex Morgan.

The Washington Wizards fired head coach Flip Saunders on Tuesday. Opinions range from "fire everybody but John Wall" to "Sam Cassell needs to be our coach." The Wizards' owner even chimed in, sans the Comic Sans (but enough semicolons to make your English teacher turn over in her grave).

Life lessons: don't spray a dude the size of Ndamukong Suh with silly string if you want to keep your job (or your life, for that matter).

Alex Ovechkin is skipping the NHL All-Star Game and The Chief is not happy about it. He points to a historical precedent to explain why. Speaking of missing important events, Tim Tebow will not be playing in the Pebble Beach Pro-Am sponsored by 12 companies that I don't feel like copying and pasting right now.

Michigan State is planning on putting in some new scoreboards at Spartan Stadium. Unfortunately, there is no CLOVERFIELDTRON in the works.

This might just be Roger Goodell drunk off his new contract, but NFL players will be allowed to tweet at this year's Pro Bowl. Good thing Brett Favre won't be there, or things could get ugly.

Speaking of drunk, Pat Sajak is.

Check out Pensblog for maximum trollage of St. Louis Blues fans that any Red Wings fan can appreciate. Also trolling: Darren Rovell to this church singer.

With Starbucks starting to sell beer and wine on a limited basis, I finally have a use for that Starbucks card I got for Christmas... in 2008.

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When the German NBA All-Star Dirk Nowitzki is hurt, he likes to grab a mic, put in the ear piece, update the Dallas announcers on his health, and add a little commentary when it's appropriate, little man. Yah, it's good stuff.

Well, he sat out Wednesday night's game after the team received their championship rings, so he joined the broadcast again and got really into it when Jason Terry and Brandan Wright took a tour of lob city:  

"OH MY GOD. OHHHHHHH. SHUT IT DOWN. LET'S GO HOME!" 
 

I expect Dirk's announcing career to be auto-tuned soon and "shut it down, let's go home!" to replace Semisonic, effective immediately.  

The Pistons got spanked by the Oklahoma City Thunder last night. Maybe it was because they were shooed out of the gym during practice so that a movie could be filmed? Or maybe it was because they don't have Kevin Durant. At least they didn't get beat as bad as the Wizards did.

That last sentence should be the Pistons' new marketing slogan. I expect my paycheck by the end of the week, Mr. Gores.

Things we forgot to mention last night: Some guy named Lindstom plays for the Red Wings now and the Tigers are very interested in this Yoenis Cespedes character.

Former MSU Spartan Jason Richardson wanted to get a few extra seconds of rest in his game against the Boston Celtics. With how cramped the NBA schedule is this season, I don't blame him.

The San Antonio Spurs are going to retire Bruce Bowen's jersey. For a franchise who has honored the likes of George Gervin and David Robinson in the past, this seems a bit cheap to me. However, their fans are happy, so I guess that's cool. I'm just happy that I grew up in a region where jersey retirements mean something special.

Looks like the "family" in Family Feud no longer applies. Apparently this is a regular occurrence now, because I wasted an hour of my life watching similar videos on Youtube last night.

Zombie Joe Flacco.

If you watch It's Always Sunny, this .gif slideshow is definitely not a waste of an hour. If you need the rest of the show title to know what I'm talking about, just move on.

I don't know how Steve Nash has the free time to be making these videos. Speaking of videos, I was just pointed towahds this one about shahks and stuff.

Check out that rapper that dissed Turtle in Entourage wearing a Pittsburgh hat.

Like we promised on Friday, we're back with some goodies to start your week off right.

In case you didn't watch any football yesterday, here's a recap: Billy Cundiff went HERP, Kyle Williams went DERP, and the Patriots and Giants are in the mother loving Super Bowl. On a related note, some people are assholes, others are just funny, and Vernon Davis was supposed to have a bangin' after party but didn't. 

Hey, the Pistons won a game! They took down the Portland Trail Blazers 94-91 on Saturday evening for their 4th win of the season. While Nosepicker Nicolas Batum didn't exactly get the Chris Bosh treatment, he was still on the wrong end of a Rodney Stuckey slam dunk shot.

While the Pistons were breaking their forever-long losing streak, the Red Wings were extending theirs. The Wings won their 6th straight overall and 16th straight game at home over the Columbus Blue Jackets, 3-2. Even better, Henrik Zetterberg won't be suspended after being thrown out of the game for a boarding penalty in the 3rd period (h/t Malik).

RUMOR CENTRAL: The Red Wings might go after Ales Hemsky and/or Teemu Selanne, while the Tigers are apparently interested in Johnny Damon and Juan Pierre (ugh). The Pistons, meanwhile, apparently see no reason to go after any big men whatsoever.

In the college ranks, Michigan State tied Michigan atop the Big Ten by puttin' a whoopin' on the Purdue Boilermakers. Michigan lost at Arkansas thanks to a bad first half and a rim made of Play Dough.

Don Kelly apparently has trouble going to the bathroom on Sundays (and Ryan Raburn sounds like a hick).

Ndamukong Suh was on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Only one of them was funny.

If you enjoy grainy rap concert videos, check out Detroit's own Royce da 5'9" in Toronto.

...and if you're not, here's a pretty lady doing some modeling.

Finally, be careful or your XBox might arrest you.

Now that 2012 is here (seriously, where did 2011 go?), it's time to look ahead to what could be an awesome year for each of the professional sports franchises in Detroit, and maybe even the Pistons too. Here are some New Years resolutions for your favorite teams and players. Just remember, 87% of all resolutions are not maintained, and 75% of statistics are made up on the spot.

The Tigers should resolve to: win the World Series. Last season, the Tigers were two wins from making their first World Series appearance since 2006. However, they are closer to being able to repeat this type of success than most people think. Alex Avila won't play a bazillion games next year, and Brennan Boesch's return to the lineups should take away some of the sting of a decline in production from Avila and Jhonny Peralta next season.

Miguel Cabrera should resolve to: win the MVP. Cabrera has put up MVP-like numbers in each of his three seasons as a Tiger, but hasn't quite gotten over the hump to take over the hardware. 2012 looks like it could be his season.

Don Kelly should resolve to: purchase some fire-proof shoes. Justin Verlander shows no mercy.

The Lions should resolve to: prove that 2011 wasn't a fluke. Regardless of what happens next weekend, the Lions should be proud of their 2011 season. They broke a decade-long playoff drought despite playing in one of the toughest divisions in football. However, the bar has been set and Jim Schwartz has a lot of work to do to keep this team in the hunt next season and beyond.

Write this down: the Clippers are going to be really fun to watch this season. In the first quarter of what might have been the most-watched preseason game in NBA history, DeAndre Jordan announced the Clippers' arrival emphatically.

I still have reservations as to whether the Clippers are good enough to challenge the best teams in the Western conference. My three reasons? (1) They are thin up front, (2) any team coached by Vinny Del Negro is probably going to lose at least 5 more games than they reasonably should, and (3) above all, they're still the Clippers.

[@awfulannouncing]

So yeah, finals suck.

• Just as baseball was starting to get over its whole steroid issue... it wasn't. Brewers OF and National League MVP tested positive for PEDs. While there are some serious questions as to whether he is actually guilty of juicing, this is a serious black eye for the MLB. Braun is among a crop of superstars that was supposed to lead the MLB away from the steroid era. These accusations won't go away any time soon, no matter how many times he proves that he's innocent.

• Trade shenanigans: the NBA is full of them. Chris Paul was a member of the Los Angeles Lakers for about 3 hours, then he was almost traded to the Clippers. Meanwhile, Dwight Howard is apparently not going anywhere. The NBA is positively screwing itself over, and blocking a deal that actually made a ton of sense for everyone except the Lakers isn't helping at all.

• Jerry Sandusky? Yeah, still not touching that (pun intended).

• What you already know: Lindsay Lohan posed for Playboy and the cover was leaked online. What you might not know: Playboy has been on an NFL-like lockdown trying to cover up (for lack of a better phrase) some other leaked photos of Lohan. Moral of the story: like everything else in life, you still have to pay to see the goods.

• It feels like an eternity, but Ndamukong Suh will be back on the field for the Lions this week. Big Al is going through withdrawls, so Sunday can't get here soon enough.

• Uhhh, what the fuck is this? [SB Nation Detroit]

• Fans of awesome Thursday night TV, you're in luck. The League has been renewed for a 4th season, meaning we get at least 12 more episodes of Kevin acting like a bitch and Taco acting like... well, Taco.

• Continuing our foray into semi-obscure pop culture, I'm tempted to buy Saints Row III simply because of this video. Of course, that would imply that I actually have money.

• MISC. STUFF: Rogo has your Tigers holiday shopping list all picked out. Speaking of baseball, TigerFest 2012 is cancelled because of renovations. Injustice, I tell you. Mac Miller continues to make white rappers look bad. ESPN douchebag talking douchebag head Craig douchebag James is running for public office (not really). Tim Tebow faces his toughest test yet on Sunday.

First, a quick explanation: this idea was conceived after watching the entire trilogy (yes, even D3) for the first time in like forever (ok, a couple years, whatever). Other people have probably done this before, but they were probably way too serious about it, something we don't do well here at D4L. I picked the roster from D2 because it's clearly the best movie in the triology. And you probably can't tell me the names of those random kids from the first movie that didn't come back for D2 anyway. Lastly, I tried to do this with just Red Wings, but it didn't really work so well, so I expanded it. Deal with it.

Charlie Conway = Steve Yzerman

The Captain = The Captain. This was a no-brainer from the start. Both Conway and Yzerman led their respective teams to multiple championships and did it with class (other than that period during D3 where Charlie had a stick up his ass, but who can blame him when his mom is dating every man in the greater Minneapolis area?).

Adam Banks = Sidney Crosby

Cake eaters.

Jessie Hall = Alex Ovechkin

This was a tough one, and I didn't want to go with a black guy just because Jessie is the token black guy (although Russ takes over that title in D3). Jessie's distate for Adam Banks in D1 is way more interesting than anything he did in D2, so Ovechkin is a natural fit.

Click after the jump for the rest of the roster...

OK, his pancakes might not be as good as yours, but I'd like to see you rap something like this while cooking up some flapjacks.

Now if he were REALLY good, he'd add some chocolate chips. Or syrup. I smell a collaboration with Juicy J on the way.

[Bro Bible]

In fact, he's getting pretty good at this Call of Duty business. Of course, he's had quite a bit of time off this summer to practice.

His photography skills, on the other hand, could still use some work (that gamer tag is "warriordh12," if you can't make it out).

Of course, knowing how often Howard was popping off grenades in the teaser video we're all referencing (Howard runs through at the end), those stats might be even better than we think.