Things will be grinding to a near halt for the next few days as I punish my liver stimulate my mind at a conference in New Orleans. Since there's nothing Nawlins-related that is SFW, here's Brooklyn Decker.

• The Lakers and Nuggets got started on a deal that would send Carmelo Anthony to Los Angeles in return for Andrew Bynum. I'm calling another Pau Gasol-type deal already.

• Bro Bible scored an interview with a living legend you've never heard of. They're also giving away copies of his book, of which topics include (but are not limited to) porn stars and booze. I don't think I need to say more.

• Is this the worst miss ever? Deadspin seems to think so and I'd have to agree.

• Big news: Busted Coverage is hiring. And no, to answer your question, I'm not applying.

• With pitchers and catchers set to report to Spring Training in less than a week, DesigNate Robertson is getting excited about what could happen for the Tigers in 2011.

• Apparently the Pittsburgh Penguins aren't that bad of a group. Mike Rupp (who?) gave a fan $10 and an autographed puck after accidentally causing him to spill his beer during warm ups. [via Hot Clicks]

• Rosie Jones is fairly attractive, . Here's what she looks like on my birthday.

• Wezen Ball's Larry Granillo did some legwork to figure out exactly which Chicago Cubs game the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off was filmed at. However, we later learned that he was far from correct. Still, impressive detective work. [via Big League Stew]

• If you thought my photoshop skillz were legit (be our fan on Facebook!), you should check out this website. [h/t our boy Brady Green]

No words, just chills.

Verbatim:

I've got a question for you. What does this city know about luxury, huh? What does a town that's been to hell and back know about the finer things in life? Well, I'l tell you: more than most. You see, it's the hottest fires that make the hardest steel. Add hard work and conviction, and the knowhow that runs generations deep in every one of us. That's who we are. That's our story. Now it's probably not the one you've been reading in papers, the one being written by folks who've never even been here and don't know what we're capable of. Because when it comes to luxury, it's as much about where it's from as who it's for. Now we're from America, but this isn't New York City, nor the Windy City, nor Sin City, and we're certainly no one's Emerald City.
...
This is the Motor City, and this is what we do.

Wow. Just wow. Well done, Chrysler.

...and by "talent," I mean strippers. One Dallas club owner estimated that the city will need to temporarily employ an additional 10,000 single moms out-of-town strippers in order to handle the rush next weekend.

Via TMZ:

Arlington city officials expect to host 300,000 visitors that weekend -- which puts the tourist to stripper ratio at around 30:1

Looks like lots of girls will be able to pay their tuition next Monday.


[Shutdown Corner]

As dumb as this is, I want this job SO BADLY.

• I'm not exactly sure what the official terminology means, but Jeff Fisher is no longer the coach of the Tennessee Titans. I wonder if Bud Adams flipped him the bird on his way out the door.

• Tracy Morgan likes his politicians like he likes his... OK, I'm not sure. But he sure seems to like Sarah Palin. [Updated video via The Basketball Jones]

• Here's some great Friday news: the Red Wings have activated Pavel Datsyuk from injured reserve. Young'ns Jan Mursak and Cory Emmerton were both sent down to Grand Rapids. [via Winging It In Motown]

• Maize 'n' Brew takes the whole MSU basketball on an aircraft carrier idea to the next level with some more dangerous exciting venues.

• Apparently the Chinese government tried to pass off some footage from Top Gun as super secret government intel on new fighter jets. I wonder if the video had "Danger Zone" still playing? Or if this site is allowed in China anymore?

• Another question: does this shot count? If not, it should. [via The Basketball Jones, who vote "no"]

• Antonio Cromartie isn't very happy with Matt Hasselbeck. While we're not sure what Hasselbeck said, we've already proven that Cromartie is quite the d-bag for no reason sometimes.

• There are no surprises on this list of the top 5 things to do on a college snow day, but it's still worth the read. [via Bro Bible]

This looks exactly like DC this morning, minus the whole plowed road part. [via Boston Barstool]

• I've been on this guy for a few weeks now, but Jimmer Fredette proved he's the real deal with a 43-point performance in BYU's 71-58 win over #4 San Diego State.

• I should have laughed when I read this headline, but I didn't. Unlike DiLo, however, I don't think Herschel Walker has what it takes to come back to the NFL at age 48.

• Lost amid the whole Zack Follett foot-in-mouth controversy was the news that Ndamukong Suh became the first rookie defensive tackle to be named an All-Pro in 60 years.

• Speaking of Follett, Ty has a good take on why the media overblowing this situation turns guys into cliché machines. As for Follett's video, click over because it won't embed here, sorry. [via Ty's other site]

• I'm not sure who Erin Heatherton is just yet, but I'm definitely interested in learning more.

• Like it or not, Michael Vick is marketable again. Still, something tells me he might not be endorsing Kibbles and Bits anytime soon.

• A woman in California is suing Taco Bell for false advertising, claiming that their ground beef isn't, well... beef. She might have a point, but a restaurant that prides itself on "Fourth Meal" isn't exactly expecting you to be sober when you eat there, is it?

• If you thought Farmville was addicting (truth: I've never played it), wait until Facebook launches Oregon Trail. Yeah, I know.

• Do you want to see Olivia Munn's o-face? Since you have zero shot in real life, you should probably check out Busted Coverage instead.

• If there was any question about Michigan's recruiting class with the coaching changeover, Brady Hoke has seemingly answered the call fairly quickly. We'll see what Signing Day brings.

• This last link is targeted for a pretty specific audience, but anyone familiar with the University of Michigan Greek community will really enjoy this.

Seriously, this Kinect shit is dangerous. (The good part isn't until the very end, but it's well worth the wait)

• Our buddies at The Production Line and Etched In Cold are hosting a Red Wings Ugly 3rd Jersey Photoshop competition. Click on over to get the details. And yes, there are prizes.

• You knew this was coming: Charles Barkley threw his (very large) opinion on Jay Cutler's knee into the ring. It's funny how quickly guys like Maurice Jones-Drew back off as soon as Chuck opens his mouth.

• I figured that Bears fans would be salty about losing the NFC Championship game to their biggest rival at home, but this is getting a bit out of hand. Still, wearing a Packers tie the day after that game probably wasn't the best idea.

• Flava Flav, he of Public Enemy and bad television fame, opened his first chicken restaurant on Monday in Clinton, Iowa. He hopes to compete with Popeyes and KFC, and possibly Timex as well.

• Just as soon as we finally got used to calling him Chad Ochocinco, he's decided to change his name back to Chad Johnson.

• Some rich guy is apparently not very happy with the direction of the UConn football program -- despite their BCS bowl run -- and wants his money back.

• How do you say "grenades" in Italian? The Jersey Shore cast is headed to Italy for their 4th season. This might get ugly.

• Don't look now, but bringing back Jeremy Bonderman isn't out of the question for the Tigers. [via Bless You Boys]

• I gotta give this guy credit, his putt putt shot is pretty amazing. Maybe he'll be good enough to move up to real golf one day. [via Hot Clicks]

• Former Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez has signed with CBS Sports to talk about 18 year old kids on National Signing Day. Don't laugh, Matt Millen has a job too. [via Maize 'n' Brew]

I can't even begin to wrap my head around all of the questions I have about this new Nike commercial, despite it only being 30 seconds long.


Why is he going to Dallas and not to Boston or Miami? Why doesn't Machete have a machete? And most of all... why the hell is Bruce Willis in the video?


[SB Nation]

Happy belated baby bro. Hope it was a good one.

• What we learned: apparently Jay Cutler was actually hurt on Sunday. If you still don't believe it, Brian Urlacher will fuck your ass up. Hey, at least T.O. isn't on his team.

• Seriously, get this: someone that's not a Detroit blogger suggests that the Lions could make the Super Bowl next year if recent trends hold true.

• On a sadder note in the Detroit sports world, Armando Galarraga was traded to the Diamondbacks yesterday for two minor leaguers.

• If you're not following Mike Tyson on Twitter, you should be.

• Speaking of Twitter, Florida football player Will Hill's now extinct Twitter page was a sight to see. Thankfully Spencer Hall got a hold of it in time.

• In awesome video game news, "Duke Nukem Forever" is finally going to be released after originally being planned nearly 2 decades ago.

• What better way to say Happy Birthday to The Basketball Jones than by linking this awesome gif of a bunch of random dudes caught in the act.

• We've already established this, but Blake Griffin is not human. I refuse to believe it.

• Miss Teen Arkansas was arrested for public intoxication last weekend. Somehow, I'm not as surprised as I should be.

• Do you hate Snooki? Bro Bible and Dead Space 2 do too, so click this link and have some fun.

This dude named Mac Miller has the best flow for a white rapper since some M&M guy. He could use some work on his videos though.

• Jerry Jones is sparing no expense for this year's Super Bowl. And by that, I mean his fans' expenses. He's charging fans $200 to not even get into the stadium. [via Busted Coverage]

• Speaking of the big game, President Obama will (might?) be the first sitting U.S. president to attend the Super Bowl if the Bears win on Sunday. I'm betting Jerry Jones still charges him for his ticket.

• Today's must read is a feature story that GQ published on Deadspin editor A.J. Daulerio, highlighting (and possibly lowlighting) Deadspin's meteoric rise since he took the reins. [via Kissing Suzy Kolber]

• Anne Hathaway will play Catwoman in the next Batman movie, which needs to be released ASAP. I think it's safe to say she will be better than Halle Berry was.

• Want to buy the same apartment that Derek Jeter brought countless Thigh of the Week winners back to after a night on the town? It'll cost you $20 million. And we're still not sure if there's a stove.

• Al Beaton is definitely one of the big guns in the Detroit blogosphere. It's top-notch scientific research like this that got him there.

• Judging by their ratings, the UFC is doing a lot of things right. Two One of them is former Octagon girl Ali Sonoma [via Hot Clicks]

• Speaking of beautiful women, Amare Stoudemire has some advice for all the ladies out there. [via The Basketball Jones]

• We still have a few playoff games left to enjoy, but Gunaxin prepares you for the aftermath with 5 things to do during the football offseason.

• Finally, you have probably already seen these (they were posted EVERYWHERE yesterday), but here are the amazing Brooklyn Decker pics from Esquire.

Just remember, when everyone's saying "I'm ballin' like Elmo" in a few months, you heard it here first. [via Guyism]

• Everyone has been hating on Mike Florio for a turrible article he wrote about Packers QB Aaron Rodgers late last week. Instead of linking to that stupidity, check out Awful Announcing and Cheesehead TV for two spot-on responses.

• Maybe David Brandon actually knows what he's doing: Michigan hired Baltimore Ravens defensive coordinator Greg Mattison for the same position today. Don't get your hopes up too much, it's not like he's working with Ray Lewis and Ed Reed here.

• The Herm to Hockeytown 2 website has launched and the big day is less than 2 months away. Make sure to get any pledges in at The Production Line (and remember, it's all for charity).

• So Blake Griffin went off for 47 points, but no one saw it because it was a Clippers-Pacers game. Instead of wasting 3 hours of your life, here's all of Blake's points in under 2 minutes.

• I don't know how they pulled it off with all the work they already do, but the writers at Bless You Boys, along with pretty much the rest of the Tigers blogosphere) wrote a book leading up to next season's title run.

• Everyone was all kinds of hyped up for last week's Patriots-Jets game thanks to all the trash talk going down. Deadspin guest writer and former Denver Bronco Nate Jackson takes a step back and puts some of the blame (glory?) on the media's shoulders.

• I didn't watch the Golden Globes but dear God, January Jones. Jimmy Fallon knows what's up.

• You might not want to click this link just before eating, but Al Davis isn't looking too good lately. He could easily pass for an extra in Lord of the Rings.

• This isn't the first time this has happened, but Sean from Pride of Detroit says exactly what I wanted to say about next weekend's football games... but way better.

• How bad is the Red Wings' injury situation right now? Their 4th string goalie is injured. So it kinda figures that they lost 4-1 last night.