Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention; I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story, and I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen ...

According to the Chicago Tribune's Teddy Greenstein, the always funny and important Will Ferrell will be introducing the lineups at tonight's Bulls-Hornets game as part of a role for a movie, not to further advertise Old Milwaukee beer.

I have no idea why this is at all relevant to the film, but I guess it's for the movie "Dog Fight" in which Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis play South Carolina politicians with presidential aspirations running against each other for a seat in Congress.

We can only hope that Ferrell brings back the monotone voice he used on SNL's weekend update years ago (seen above in the image I have graciously captured and saved on the internet4lyfe).

AND NOW, YOUR CHICAGO BULLS ... A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW, AND A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW.

UPDATE:  And here it is... hilarious as expected: 

DEEETROIT LINKS-OF-ALLLLLL

• Dave Dombrowski pretty much admitted to the press yesterday that he has no idea who will be the 5th starter this season. This really isn't relevant, other than to update you on the fact that there are now 11 days until Spring Training begins.

• Meanwhile, Justin Verlander is a ninja riding a cheetah.

• Despite the fact that Brandon Knight should be back in action tonight after getting fitted for his Rip Hamilton mask, the Pistons are reportedly keeping D-League call up Walker Russell in Detroit through the end of the season.

• Despite picking lower (23rd overall) than they have in pretty much forever, the Lions can rest easy. Pick #23 has been a fairly productive position for teams in the past, especially recently.

• Big Al is 100% fed up with the constant NFL rumor-mongering that goes on in today's sports media.

• If you want to go to a Red Wings game this season, now's the time. 18 of their last 28 games are at the Joe, and word is that they're pretty good there.

Hit the jump for the rest of today's links...

[checks bacon calendar to see what day it is ... eats bacon calendar]

Happy holy testicle Tuesday, dedicated D4L'ers. If you're here right now, it's because you're internet savvy and looking for some of the very best around the interwebz.

Now, let's get all balls deep on these links: 

• Pistons' rookie Brandon Knight will be masked tomorrow night when the Pistons take on the Nets. We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking. 

• Here's Jim Schwartz with Barry Sanders in Indianpolis. It is a damn shame these two were a decade apart from one another: 
  
  

• Here's just about the most random link I'll ever provide: Nuns from Kalamazoo helped prevent sex trafficking at the Super Bowl. 

• Madonna was born in Michigan, but I was told during the halftime show that one of my college buddies' grandad was her obstetrician.

• Former Pistons NBA Finals MVP Chauncey Billups likely tore his achilles last night, which could very well end his career similarly to the way Isiah Thomas' career ended.

• The Tigers were apparently very close to trading Curtis Granderson to the Boston Red Sox in 2009, but the Red Sox wanted a straight up trade for Jacoby Ellsbury while the Tigers wanted Theo Epstein to throw in Clay Buchholz. It turned out for the best for all parties probably. 

• Matthew Stafford was named NFL QB of the Year by the NFL Alumni Foundation. What a guy.

OTHER GOOD STUFF AROUND THE INTERNET: 

• Rick Reilly is an insufferable idiot.  

• Denver backup RB Knowshon Moreno was arrested for DUI last Wednesday after his car, with the vanity plate "SAUCED", was pulled over for going 70mph in a 45. Moreno would've been pulled over sooner, but his other car with the license plate "IMDRUNK" was in the shop. 

• Jeremy Lin is the greatest Asian in the NBA since this guy massaging Sam Cassell's hammies:
  
   

• Tom Coughlin and Flava Flav are boys.

• Kevin Love got knocked in his "love stomach" by Luis Scola last week, so Love issed payback: by stepping on Scola's girl catcher. He was suspended for only 2 games, which means Monty Williams is probably not going to get his unreasonable request.

• Darren Rovell is a douche.  Contrary to popular belief, douches have to go to the cleaners, too. 

That's all I got. 

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Wanna know how I know that your week is going to be great? Because these links are awesome.

Detroit links:

• It's been 700+ days since... just kidding. Michigan State beat Michigan 64-54 in East Lansing yesterday. The win leaves Sparty one game behind Ohio State in the Big Ten standings, while Michigan is 2 games behind in the loss column. Barring an epic collapse, however, both teams should be tourney locks.

• Matthew Stafford won the NFL's Comeback Player of the Year award, not to be confused with the Comeback Player of the Year award that he won from someone else. Maybe it was Darren Rovell; he seems to love making up his own rules.

• Speaking of winning awards, Justin Verlander collected his first of what will hopefully be many in 2012 by correctly predicting last night's Super Bowl score.

• Brandon Knight broke his nose in Saturday night's game against the New Orleans Hornets. While taking an elbow to the beak probably hurts, this should only help the Pistons' chances at the top draft pick in June.

• I like to picture Pavel Datsyuk saying something like "I wear clothes. I dangle jacket. I take picture," when asked about this photoshoot for Russian Elle Magazine.

• Also dangling: Jimmy Howard's left pinky. He is expected to miss at least two weeks of action.

Click after the jump for the rest of today's links...

D4L received a tip shortly after the Super Bowl that Will Ferrell was in one of the Big Game's commercials:

That wasn't Will Ferrell on the tight rope at halftime. But here is the Super Bowl commercial he was in and only seen if you live in North Platte, NE. (You don't live in North Platte, do you?)

My first thought was, "I don't believe you," but then I clicked the link and saw this gem: 

Classsssic.

We were pretty impressed with last year's Chrysler Super Bowl commercial, but it's safe to say that they have outdone themselves this year.

I love me some Eminem, but nothing beats Clint Eastwood in all his Gran Torino-esque badass glory. Hell, the only thing missing from the commercial is the 12-gauge.

It's halftime. Both teams are in their locker room discussing what they can do to win this game in the 2nd half. It's halftime in America too. People are out of work and they're hurting, and they're all wondering what they're gonna do to make a comeback, and we're all scared because this isn't a game. The people of Detroit know a little something about this. They almost lost everyting. But we all pulled together, now [the] Motor City is fighting again. I've seen a lot of tough eras, a lot of downturns in my life, times when we didn't understand each other. It seems that we've lost our heart at times. The fog, the division, dischord and blame made it hard to see what lies ahead.

But after those trials, we all rallied around what was right, and acted as one. Because that's what we do. We find a way through tough times and if we can't find a way then we'll make one. All that matters now is what's ahead. How do we come from behind? How do we come together? And how do we win? Detroit's showing us it can be done. And what's true about them is true about all of us. This country can't be knocked out with one punch. We get right back up again and when we do, the world's gonna hear the roar of our engines. Yeah, it's halftime America. And the second half's about to begin.

Wow.

The Pistons are fresh off of an 0-3 stretch in 3 days, but are feeling somewhat upbeat after not getting utterly destroyed in their last game against New Jersey. Seriously, this is just depressing.

More depressing still is the news that Gordie Howe has been suffering from dementia over the past few years.

Do the Tigers need a left-handed starter? The "may the best man win" argument is pretty strong, but the real solution is to sign this guy.

Turns out, MSU's Draymond Green might not be that hurt after all. Good news for the Spartans. And to be fair to the other half of the state, here's a Tim Hardaway Jr. alley oop. Pay no mind to the over-excited announcer.

Tom Brady watched last year's Super Bowl via illegal stream, which kinda makes you wonder where the hell he was that didn't have the most-watched TV broadcast in the world on TV.

If this year's Super Bowl were a movie... I probably wouldn't watch it because I'd rather go see Denzel Washington blow shit up.

Proof that there is too much time before the Super Bowl: during separate interviews, Madonna revealed that she wants her daughter to go to Michigan, and that she has never seen Alex Rodriguez's creepy centaur picture. Honestly, I'm more surprised about the Michigan thing.

Stephen A. Smith claims that he didn't give Skip Bayless the Hawaiian peace sign, but video evidence says otherwise. Also saying otherwise: Stephen A's history of other on-air naughtiness.

If Arizona State is Ball So Hard University, then Alabama surely has earned the title U (of) Troll So Hard.

Mark Sanchez and Kim Kardashian are apparently an item. Speaking of useless talents, Jersey Shore's J-Woww decided to pop balloons with her balloons.

Fox Sports Detroit sideline reporter random fan interviewer Shannon Hogan might have been looking to get a little busy last night.

For having a name like Zoltan Mesko, the former Michigan punter does a pretty bad Borat impression.

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Your thirsty Thursday links will be a bit parched today, but wet your lips anyway: 

• The Pistons lost to this guy last night:

• They are 4-20, which should lead to plenty of lotto balls and hopefully one brow. Speaking of which, I've got the NBA lottery on lockdown. 

• One of the toughest parts of being an NHL goalie has to be figuring out what you want painted on your helmet. Jimmy Howard and Ty Conklin discuss their face paint.
  

• Lions defensive end Cliff Avril doesn't want to be franchise tagged (which doesn't provide him the job security that he hopes to obtain). Facebook tagged? Sure, but not franchise tagging.

• You can get your Prince Fielder sherseys at the Tigers store. Popcorn may or may not be served.

• Tom Brady was almost Jonah Keri's favorite baseball player. 

• Michigan had 24 commitments and 14 of those are defense.

• Poor Ohio State -- they don't like being called "Ohio" so they thought it'd be clever to refer to Michigan as "that team up north." What a mouthful just to prove they don't need a compass. It almost sounds like they're referring to a secret crush. "That girl over there, I don't want to say her name because she's definitely listening to me, but I love her."

• You can't live-tweet while you're on jury duty, as awesome as it sounds.

• 5 hours of Adriana Lima. You're welcome, everrrrrbody.

Yeah, I'll check back in with you in about 26 seconds. 

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Another day, another Ndamukong Suh link. This time though, it's Warren Sapp doing the talking, which, as we've seen in the past, is never a good idea.

Scroll to the bottom of this one for an awesome Brandon Inge joke and a shout-out to our buddy Phil Coke's Brain.

Michigan State lost to Illinois in what might have been the ugliest basketball game ever. This video might have been more interesting, now that I think about it.

Speaking of ugly basketball, the Pistons lost again. At least Grantland was nice enough to rank Brandon Knight as the third-best rookie this season, which is pretty high praise when you consider who the first two are.

This new movie starring Barry Sanders looks pretty terrible, but with Kurt Russell involved, there's no telling what kind of miracles can happen. That last pun? Horrible.

Why apply for a job when you can make your own (provided you know how to make a ballin' flyer, that is)? They don't call Michigan students The Leaders and Best for nothing.

News flash: NBA players can't cook (except for the French dude). Also not surprising: Washington Nationals' phenom prospect Bryce Harper is a bandwagon ass cat.

The Slanch Report is rightfully infatuated with Marisol Gonzalez, the only reporter that showed up to Super Bowl media stuff yesterday who people actually remember today.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman can't make it rain or play the guitar, but at least he does his own stunts.

Obligatory link of Rogo trashing random national writer who wrote something stupid. Posts like these make me do my happy dance.

Sorry Basketball-Reference, but I don't care about no box scores. SLAM's entire archive of cover art? That I can get behind.

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The holy testicle Tuesday links are back, hanging ballsier than ever. I like balls. 

Let's get the Detroit links out of the way:

• Victor Martinez had microfracture knee surgery as a precursor to his ACL surgery. Sugery is never a good thing. V-Mart needs to have two.
• Ndamukong Suh's PR tour continues through desert Hannah Storm.
• Basketball-Reference has the box score for every NBA game now, including the highest scoring game ever, which was between Detroit-Denver.
  
  
• Tweets from the future? Andy Dirks hits Billy Zane single in Game NINE of Dominican league title. Dirks hit .307 in the Dominican league playoffs.
• LZ Granderson killing buzz of Prince signing with real talk.
• Denny McLain thinks Brandon Inge should shut up, but has Brandon Inge actually said anything?
• First Wilson Betemit, now Armando Galarraga -- they've both signed with the Orioles. 
• Of roughly 700 voters, 68-percent think the Red Wings will be the next Detroit team to win a championship.

So this Sunday is the Super Bowl, and you know what that means, right? No, not Wayne Fontes. A Ferris Bueller commercial. And what is the deal with this Seinfeld commercial? 

Better than any commercial:

Can you guess which one of these man caves is mine? I'll give you a hint: it's none of them.

This Blake Griffin dunk is just some monster of a man rudely throwing man-gook and feces at Kendrick Perkins. Oh me oh my, Mozgov, you're still not off the hook, though:

A complete 180: Jon Kitna is an algebra teacher. I'm not sending my kid(s) to Lincoln High School in Tacoma, Washington, that's for damn sure. Not because Kitna is a bad quarterback teacher, though; I just don't live out that way. 

Parting words from Brewers GM Doug Melvin: 

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