I saw Bill Simmons spit his words live and immediately thought, someone will GIF this and I will link it. 

Here it is: 

Thanks, Deadspin.

Just two days after the inexplicably senseless bombings at the Boston Marathon, the Boston Bruins hosted the Buffalo Sabres at the TD Garden. During the national anthem, things got dusty and flat out fucking awesome. This is what America is all about right here, folks: 

UNITY. 

We mentioned on our Facebook page yesterday that in the world of sports, Boston is our archenemies. In the world of human decency, everyone in Boston, especially the victims of Monday's tragedy, are in our sincerest thoughts and prayers. 

University of Detroit Mercy's Doug Anderson, Mott CC alum, knows how to dunk a basketball. That's to put it as boringly as possible. Because his dunks were not boring. 

Here's his 4th dunk of the college slam dunk competition, which won him the competition quite easily: 

For a look at his other three dunks, all perfect scores, head over to It's Always Sunny in Detroit. My boy Tim's been smartly touting Anderson's dunking for years. 

(I'll update this post with Anderson's supposedly awesome off-the-concrete-wall dunk from a couple years back as soon as it gets uploaded.)

Yu Darvish almost threw a perfect game against the Astros on Tuesday night. He was phenomenal, striking out 14 batters and barely breaking a sweat, but he was pulled after giving up a two-out single up the middle in the ninth.

You know who was perfect throughout? This Astros fan with the crazy mustache: 

Unlike Yu, that thing went all nine. 

*There's also this:

Last perfect game bid broken up with 2 outs in 9th-- Armando Galarraga in 2010

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) April 3, 2013

After last year’s improbable victory by Bubba Watson, many wonder what the results for the Masters 2013 will hold. Taking place during the first week of April, this is the first major PGA tournament of the year, so the winner will set the bar for the golf year to come.

It’s hard to predict who will win in the game of golf, but the build-up before the Masters holds many insights as to what we can expect from this national favorite.

And it may seem as if America’s rock star of golf, Tiger Woods, is in the lead, already having won two of this year’s PGA tournaments. He took the big check in the Farmers Insurance Open in January and also recently in the WGC-Cadillac Championship. The latter meant Woods’ 17^th World Golf Championship title. 

Since this is the first time in five years that Woods has packed in two PGA wins prior to the Masters, it can only improve his chances of walking away with the Masters 2013 title. He said in an interview that winning these titles is making him much more confident for his performance at the Masters. Many also feel that he is strong on his way to regain his World Number One title. 

But there are many strong competitors against whom Woods will be competing. Steve Stickler, for example, came second in both the tournaments that Woods won so far. And after the friendly putting lessons he gave Woods at the Cadillac tournament, it may seem as if his skill and technique is in top shape.

Let’s not forget about the current World Number One player – Rory McIlroy. Although he managed only an eight spot in the Cadillac tournament, it seems that he is finally hitting his stride and achieving top form for the year ahead. The Northern Irishman has focused strongly on his fitness levels recently, so we can only expect a stellar performance when competing for that iconic green blazer. He’ll be back for only one tournament before the Masters when he plays the Houston Open at the end of March. 

So how is the current owner of the green blazer fairing? Bubba Watson achieved 18^th position in the World Golf Championships and fourth in the less-acclaimed Hyundai Tournament of Champions in January, making it hard to believe that he’ll win a second year in a row at the Masters.

Two other faces to keep an eye on are Michael Thompson and Russell Henley. Both these gentlemen won their first PGA championships this year and will definitely play their clubs out in Augusta. Thompson won the Honda Classic earlier this month while Henley walked away with the title for the Sony Open in Hawaii that took place in January. This is the golf season’s first full-field event, putting Henley, a PGA rookie, in the spotlight as a professional for the first time. 

But with all that said, the game of golf remains a crapshoot, so you’ll have to wait for April to see who will get to put on that sharp green blazer.

As you can see, things have been slow around here recently. The reasons? First, my parents own the worst wireless known to mankind. Mom and Dad, I love you, but buy a new router. Second, and more important, I've been having some computer issues. What kind of issues, you might ask? Let's just put it like this...

That mess of parts was my laptop several hours ago. Yes, that is a steak knife next to it. Don't judge.

Anyway, long story short, we're back up and running. Now if we could just put the Tigers' offense back together...

To be brutally honest, there's no good reason why I'm posting this other than the fact that it's hysterical. NESN announcers Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy have a history of getting silly in the booth (to the point where "general silliness" in a certain drinking game would mean instant death), and this video is their crown jewel.

For me, the clincher in this video isn't the fact that a slice of pizza is thrown (but regardless, A SLICE OF PIZZA IS THROWN). It's the fact that Jerry Remy can segue into the analysis of said pizza toss so seamlessly and professionally after what I'm assuming is a commercial break. From there, all hell breaks loose, making this one of the best announcing videos you'll see on the internet.

Let's pretend for a minute that the owners of our beloved Detroit sports franchises didn't already look at tonight's Mega Millions jackpot like a single paycheck. If Mike Ilitch, William Ford (the young one, not that old moron), or Tom Gores won the $640 million up for grabs, what should they buy for their respective teams?

Tigers - Mike Ilitch

What do you get for the team that already has everything? For one, Mr. I could pay off the rest of Prince Fielder's contract (or maybe like a year of it). Another useful pick-up could be a real second baseman. Soon-to-be-free-agent Brandon Phillips of the Cincinnati Reds comes to mind (though, don't rule that out next offseason anyway). Extending Justin Verlander and Miguel Cabrera should happen immediately (lottery or not, get it done Mr. I). And, as many would suggest, paying Brandon Inge another couple million dollars to just go away would also be a smart business decision.

Lions - the Ford family

Continuing the jokes about historically massive contracts, Calvin Johnson recently scored himself a payday. Another use could be getting a real left tackle (though they're dropping like flies at the moment) and treating Jeff Backus' new contract as hush money. Matthew Stafford might even chip a few bucks towards this cause. The Lions should also pay some German scientist to develop a bubble for the running backs (Jahvid Best specifically) that will keep them healthy for an entire season.

Michigan Wolverines and Michigan State Spartans

[This section removed by the NCAA to continue to argue that their cash cows are still called "student athletes." Because yeah, we believe that.]

Red Wings - Mike Ilitch

How many ways can I say "a machine that allows us to clone and/or preserve Nick Lidstrom to keep him around for 20 more seasons?" Oh, Zach Parise and Ryan Suter/Shea Weber would be nice too.

Pistons - Tom Gores

I'm not sure if $640 million is enough for this overhaul. Setting Joe Dumars up with a nice house in the Cayman Islands would be a good start. Next, buying out the contracts of Tayshaun Prince, Ben Gordon, and Charlie Villanueva needs to happen (seriously, why hasn't Villanueva amnestied by now?). Finally, going nuts on the free agent market will at least land us a Finals berth. Of course, it doesn't guarantee a ring, does it LeBron?

Got any other ideas? Leave them in the comments.

Don't say that I didn't warn you (not that you had a chance to defend yourself or anything).

 

Apparently this is part of Barkley's next Weight Watchers commercial, but still. Chuck, stick with your CDW commercials and "basekball court." The short sleeve button down shirt makes you look like an extra from Office Space, but at least you won't be mistaken for Oprah's stunt double anytime soon.

[Deadspin]