Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski, a longtime opponent of the defensive responsibilities of his position, violated the terms of his contract earlier today by throwing out Jonathan Herrera of the Colorado Rockies on a steal attempt.

When questioned about the incident, Pierzynski pleaded ignorance. "I had no idea it was actually against my contract to throw guys out. I mean, I don't really like to do it that much, but I kinda wanted to change things up today."

Manager Ozzie Guillen was much less happy about the incident. "Man, when he [redacted] throw the [redacted] guy out at [redacted] 2nd base, I [redacted] my [redacted] fist into the [redacted] Gatorade. He so [redacted], it's [redacted]."

This is believed to be the first time that Pierzynski has violated the defensive clause in his contract. He is infamous for trying to persuade other catchers to join his anti-defensive side, most notably Michael Barrett, formerly of the Chicago Cubs. Barrett, as many remember, did not take too kindly to Pierzynski's message.

It remains to be seen whether Pierzynski will violate the terms of his contract again, but because he throws like a girl odds are this will be the last time such an incident occurs.

It's a good thing John Wall is good at basketball...

...because he's terrible at throwing a baseball. Usually I'd make a joke here about the Nationals needing all the help they can get, but they're currently on an 8-game winning streak after today's win over Baltimore. The Wizards, on the other hand, might be hoping that next season is locked out.

[The Basketball Jones]

I might have bashed Cleveland last night, but those half-retarded mofos are celebrating tonight almost as hard as they are in Texas. Dirk Nowitzki took over Game 6 in the 4th quarter and the Mavericks won their first NBA championship over the Polish Miami Heat. In related news, Sean still has no basis for his argument.

And, naturally, here's what will be the most overused picture on the entire internet in the next week forever.

Not to be overlooked, former Pistons coach Rick Carlisle won his first NBA title. I always thought that Carlisle got a raw deal here in Detroit, so it's nice to see the guy that started the Pistons' latest run of success finally get the 'ship he deserves.

If you aren't sure how exactly the NHL handles its suspensions for on-ice transgressions, you're not alone. That's because nobody knows what the fuck is going on in Colin Campbell's mind. For entertainment's sake, here's a guess.

Thankfully, those confusing days are (hopefully) behind us. RedWing4lyfe Brendan Shanahan was named the league's new disciplinarian today, but apparently doesn't get the corner office just yet, as Campbell will retain the rest of his jobs (including being Gary Bettman's teddy bear babysitter) in the NHL front office.

I believe "The Elbow Drop of Justice" is an appropriate term for Shanahan's new position. We'll go with that for the forseeable future.

[Winging It In Motown]

Amid all the talks of NCAA violations for just about everything in the rulebook, Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel has resigned. For that reason, I offer this to Ohio State fans on the behalf of the state of Michigan.

Make no mistake, Tressel owned the entire mitten while he was at OSU, sporting a combined 15-1 record against the Spartans and Wolverines during his 10-year run in Columbus. His speech at halftime of a basketball game after he was hired is fap-worthy legend everywhere south of Toledo, even if 90% of the crowd was still busy trying to figure out how many years were in 310 days (or how many of their cousins they had slept with during that time).

[ESPN]

Kevin Durant is having one hell of a postseason so far. And thanks to the Thunder's 106-100 win last night, we're guaranteed to see him for at least 3 more games (and probably much more). Brendan Haywood, on the other hand, might not want to show his face anymore.

I hate the Heat as much as anyone, but that Durant-LeBron matchup is looking more and more intruiging every day. Plus, then Durant could dunk on Reptar just like this.

Dwyane Wade didn't have a good night in his team's 103-82 loss to the Bulls last night, and Taj Gibson (my roommate: "who?") made sure that he would remember that fact.

It's no "Reptar got banged on," but it's well worth watching a few times on repeat. Speaking of Reptar (or Chris Bosh, if you didn't catch that first reference), he was the only one of the "Big Three" (I fucking hate that nickname) that had a decent game. He dropped 30 points on just 18 shots, while LeBron got outplayed -- badly -- by Luol Deng.

UPDATE: And that last flush wasn't even Gibson's best dunk of the game.

I don't see this series going any further than 5 games.

Just after Jose Valverde closed out the Tigers' 3-1 win over the Royals tonight, Travis Hafner hit a non-Billy-Zane-sanctioned walk-off 2-run homer to give the Cleveland Indians a 4-3 win against the Seattle Mariners. The win keeps the Indians 4 games ahead of the Tigers, who are now in 2nd place in the AL Central.

With apologies to Awful Announcing, here's video of Indians announcer going absolutely batshit on the call (and yeah, the audio sucks, but this is what happens when the MLB decides it wants to be stingy as all getout with its media).

"How do you like them apples" could definitely become the next "And boom goes the dynamite," that is if the video was actually going to be seen by more than 5 people before it gets taken down.

If you didn't stay up to watch Oklahoma City's ridiculous triple OT victory over Memphis last night, shame on you. While I've already illustrated I'm a bigger fan of the NHL Playoffs than their NBA counterparts, this game was one of the few that bucked that trend. What's better is that Kevin Durant made a Dukie look downright turrible to close it out.

That crossover was NASTY. If Durant can do that to Shane Battier, of all people, I would love to see how badly he can twist LeBron James around if their respective teams make the NBA Finals.

[Daily Thunder]

Despite teammate Derrick Rose's incredible night, Joakim Noah was a bit salty when this camera guy got too close to him towards the end of the Bulls' 99-82 win against the Atlanta Hawks tonight.

The question is whether the camera man moved because Noah yelled at him, or because of the sight of Noah's face. I don't mean to be mean (OK, maybe I do, whatever), but dude is uuuuuggggllllyyyyyy. Trust me, Noah was easily one of the top five most frightening things I saw on Bourbon Street last February.

See what I mean?