I was in attendance yesterday for the Tigers exciting 9-6 win over the Angels, where Clete “shoe, flip flop, penny loafer” Thomas hit a grand salami in the 8^th to put the Tigers up for good. The win gave the Tigers a series win against a team that usually gives them trouble and gives them a nice boost of confidence before they head out on a long road trip.

Now although it was a very relaxing Sunday capped with a nice win, there were a few things that really chapped my ass about the ballpark etiquette or should I say lack there of going on around me. So I’m going to go over some very basic rules that one should keep in mind when they make their next trip to the park.

1. If you’re going to drink, please keep the fact that you are drunk to yourself. The whole section does not want to hear every half inning “I’m so hammered right now!” or “God, I’m so wasted I don’t even know what’s going on”….Those are two direct quotes from fans yesterday and frankly I was sick of it. If you drink, don’t get so belligerent that the EMS has to come to take you away. This isn’t a joke, it’s a serious situation that I witnessed yesterday. A young lady was walking up the steps smelling like Robert Downey Jr. and completely ate it, falling face first into the step in front of her. She was green in the face and could barely keep her eyes open. The fact that it was a pretty warm day might not have helped her out but either way, know your limits.

2. Please don’t yell “Granderson, you’re the fu**ing s**t”. Now as much as I love Curtis and even though that is a true statement, the cursing is unnecessary. I heard it and looked in front of me only to see an entire row of children. I’m no saint myself and have been known to drop a few F bombs on occasion but you have to be mindful of your surroundings. I know if I was the father of those children (and as far as I know I’m not…I think) I would have turned around and given those young gentleman a piece of my mind and maybe a taste of the back of my hand. Dads don’t want to have to ear muff little Billy every two seconds so keep the cursing to a minimum.

3. Sit in your own seat. I’ve been to 3 games this year and there has been at least one situation where the entire section can’t see the game because people are simply sitting in the wrong seat. If it’s late in the game and there are empty seats then I’m all for trying to move up but when it’s the first inning just sit in your own seat so as to not disturb the whole sections seating arrangements.

4. If you drink, don’t drive, do the watermelon crawl. At D4L we promote safety first, so find yourself a DD or don’t drink at all.

Those are just a few that have been on my mind. If there’s any more that you guys can think of, feel free to comment or leave them in the forum.

A fan at today's Nationals/Giants game shows his support for Randy Johnson. His sign says it all.  Congratulations to Randy Johnson who picked up his 300th (rainy) win today.

With it being an off day for Detroit sports teams, I thought I might talk a little about the sports world outside of Detroit.  I was just about to start watching some baseball games around the bigs on my MLB.tv when John Mapplethorpe directed me to the Indians/Yankees game taking place at Jacobs Field saying that the bugs were back, attacking Joba Chamberlain's blood.

Joba Chamberlain had a run in with flies back in the fall of 2007 when he was relieving in a playoff game against the Indians.  With the Yankees up 1-0 in the 8th inning, a swarm of flies descended on Joba and the rest of the Yankees and disrupted their focus.  It was so distracting that they helped the Indians tie the game, a game they would eventually win in extra innings.

Tonight, with the Yankees leading 5-2 and Joba Chamberlain (now a starter) pitching into the 8th inning the flies attacked again.  According to Ron Harrison, an entomologist who works for Orkin Inc., an Atlanta-based pest control company, the annoying bugs back in 2007 were a "type of midge, an insect related to mosquitoes.  During warm fall weather, midges often breed on the outskirts of lakes" and the weather fronts typically push them to the land masses.  It's not fall, so I wonder if these were the same species of flies.  Who really cares, right?  Personally, I think the Indians have bags of trained flies that they release from atop the light fixtures late in games they trail to attack opposing pitchers.

This time, Joba was not phased with the pesky buggers as he finished the 8th inning with no problem and Mariano Rivera picked up the save in the 9th. Although they did not affect Joba's outing, Joba definitely felt the flies' presence.  He was seen a number of times swatting them out of the air with his glove, blowing them away, and even trying to scare them away with this lazy eye, death stare:

What might be even more noteworthy about this game is that the Yankees broke a Major League record by going their 18th straight game without making an error.  That's the type of record managers dream their team break one day.  Congratulations to the Yankees on that (puke in my mouth a little bit).

People mock the National Spelling Bee.

Why?

Maybe it has to do with the fact that Erin Andrews and ABC/ESPN are on the scene reporting it and half the people who normally watch Erin Andrews and ESPN affiliated shows have a bottle of "AMSOIL" on their nightstand and their fantasy baseball teams up on their computer screens.  They don't want to be watching Erin interviewing 13-year old kids who know how to spell words with more letters in them than viewers' IQs.

However, the Spelling Bee is always of interest to me because I love learning new words, words that I'll probably never need to use, but probably will just to annoy the crap out of someone.  Don't get me wrong, I don't claim to know millions of words because I watch the spelling bee or have dictionary.com in my favorites because chances are that about 10 seconds after I hear or read a word's meaning I more than likely forget it.  I'm a lot like "Ten Second" Tom in 50 First Dates, if you catch that reference.

This year's Spelling Bee is of note because Metro Detroit's own, Sidharth Chand of Detroit Country Day was once again passionately representing our fine state in the semifinals and finals.  If you don't remember, Sidharth was last year's runner up. He stumbled on the word, "prosopopoeia" which basically means a personification or a figure of speech in which an imaginary, absent, or deceased person is represented as speaking or acting.  (Okay, I had to cut and paste that from dictionary.com, although I slightly recalled it from last year's post I did on it).

Anyway, Sidharth was not going to let last year's word come back and haunt him this year.  Not going to happen.  He was determined to win it all and nothing could stand in his way.

Sidharth came to the Finals rounds sporting his school's color day attire; the vest alternative and the classic blue and gold tie perfectly done (or perhaps perfectly clipped on).  He looked like someone who was all business and not messing around.  Sidharth, a 13-year old 8th grader, even let his facial hair grow out for the occasion to let the other peach fuzzed boys and girls know that he was a man, a man that was going to take home the $30,000 in cash, an engraved trophy, a $5,000 scholarship, $2,500 in U.S. Savings Bonds and the pride of knowing that no boy or girl in the nation 8th grade and below can quite spell the way Sidharth can.

In Round 7, with 11 Spellers remaining, Sidharth's first obstacle was "Reykjavik."  Upon first glance you might think that my fingers are not aligned properly on the home row keys.  I assure you, that's not the case.  "Reykjavik," according to the dictionary, is actually a seaport in Iceland and the Capital of Iceland.  Sidharth had no problem spelling it correctly for the judges.  I assume the 13-year old frequents Reykjavik, Iceland.

No sweat.

Then came Round 8.  10 Spellers remaining as Tussah Heera forgot the second 'e' in her name in the prior round and was eliminated.  Sidharth knew a challenging word would come after that cake one he got last round.  The word? Apodyterium.

Sidharth starts to sweat a little.  The tension builds.

Apodyterium.  He repeats the word to be sure he's pronouncing it right.  He gathers all the facts; etymology, definition, usage in a sentence as all the spellers do for good measure.  He's ready.  Apodyterium.

"A-p-o-d-e-i-t-e-r-i-u-m. Apodyterium." He pauses.

Judges toy with the kid's emotions by letting him sweat (possibly even pee) himself a little.  Then it sounded.  The little girly, front desk-like, bell they have that rings louder to these children (and their parents) than subwoofers in a no noise neighborhood.  Sidharth's eyes water and his run for Spelling Bee National Champion is officially over as no child can qualify past the 8th grade.  Sidharth has the competitive spirit I'm sure, but I doubt he'll fail 8th grade on purpose to be back next year.

His exit in the Finals was disappointing because obviously you want to see your dark horse win the race.  However, Sidharth did his school and the rest of Michigan proud two years in a row.  He was on National television two years in a row (ESPN nonetheless) and didn't let that bother him like the kid who fainted last year in the middle of the etymology or Kennyi this year who appeared to love the limelight more than anyone else.  Sidharth was all business and did his very best.  We can't fault him for that.

There's some good that can come out of this.  Other than sheer pride that comes with such an accomplishment for Sidharth and his family, he helps Detroit sports fans win arguments with opposing city's fans.  He could provide us an additional argument for why our state is sweet or as a defense for "your state is full of a bunch of morons" comments.  Our response to those are simple: "Well, the Lions may suck but we've had a national spelling finalist two years in a row," and "Oh, yeah, full of morons?  Does Sidharth Chand do anything for you? That's what I thought."  Thank you for that, Sidharth.  You've strengthened our state.

Congratulations, Sidharth on an epic computerless spelling run.  Now instead of that silly bell, you can resort to the comforting squiqqly red line underneath all your words.  It doesn't always work, but I find it does the trick 98% of the time.  If you ever get down on yourself for messing up in the Finals, just think how bad it is for guys like me.  My dad has a lot of money and paid for me to win the 2nd grade spelling bee despite me spelling rock, "r-o-k."  You achieved great things with your spelling capabilities and you should be very proud of yourself.  I know everyone in Michigan is proud of you.

In any case, I am very proud for Carlos and the way he threw that umpire out of the game.  So many athletes today are passive and quick to exit games with minor clitoral sprains or tweaked ring toe muscles.  Way to stand up for yourself, Carlos.  And way to be water's superhero against Gatorade.  H20 is much, much better!

(Update: The MLB Video nazis have already removed this video.  I will look for another and post it...until they strike again.)

Don't forget to check out Zambrano going Office Space on the gatorade machine in this post.

As everyone knows already, the San Diego Padres and the Chicago White Sox reached an agreement that would have sent 2007 Cy Young winner, Jake Peavy to the South Side of Chicago for Clayton Richard and top pitching prospect Aaron Poreda.  However, the Padres needed Peavy to waive his no-trade clause in his contract.  Peavy refused.  He announced yesterday that he would not waive his no-trade clause and that he wanted to stay in San Diego "as of right now."

There are a number of reasons circulating why he didn't accept this deal that would send him to a team that was in the playoffs last season and would potentially have one of the filthiest rotations in the AL with the addition of him (Peavy, Beurhle, Danks, Floyd sounds good to me).  One of the main reasons that is swirling around the rumor mill is that Peavy wants to stay in the NL where he can hit (which really means, "I'll be a more successful pitcher in the NL").

However, thanks to a tip from a person close to the situation, Hank Hammerpipe, the real reason has been surfaced.

Peavy doesn't want to be anywhere near, let alone on the same team, as A.J. Pierzynski's atrocious hair.

We pick on A.J. a lot here, and for good reason, but we don't stress enough how awful his frosty-do really is.  For your information, he dyed his hair because he said he WON a bet with teammate Jim Thome. Really?  WON a bet?  That sounds like the kind of bet a couple of chicks would make:

Girl #1: Okay, if I find a better sale than you did, you have to pay for me to get my hair done!!!

Girl #2: Ohhh you're bad. You're on!

Only a MLB'er like Pierzynski would Jermaine Dye his hair an unorthodox color when he WINS a bet and then keep re-doing it when the roots start filling in.

So White Sox fans, you can thank your douchey catcher for this trade falling through.

Jake Peavy is a man's man and wanted nothing to do with this lady type of shit.

An issue arose about five days ago that has been circulating the blogwaves that I want to touch on.  Since it's been an off-day for the Tigers and Red Wings, I felt like today would be a good day to address it.

Last Thursday in Milwaukee, a Brewers fan caught a home run ball off the bat of Marlins' rookie, Chris Coghlan.

Loddy frickin' da, right?

Welp, this wasn't your ordinary home run ball.  It was Chris Coghlan's first career home run and, naturally, he wanted it back as a momento.  Unfortunately for him, the ball landed in the glove of Nick Yohanek, or as Brewer's announcer  Bill Schroeder first called him in 1999, "The Happy Youngster."  According to Nick's blog, he has hauled in roughly 49 home run balls since 1999, has collected "more balls than he can count," and compares his hobby of ballhawking to drug and alcohol addictions.  In the words of Chip Douglas in The Cable Guy, "obsess much?"

I first heard about this story a few days ago and brushed it off until today, when Ian Casselberry at Bless You Boys, my go-to Tigers website, brought it up again in the preface to BYB's Off-day Open Thread.  Essentially, Marlins officials tried to retrieve the ball from Yohanek, but he refused to give it up without receiving a few things in return (a signed bat and ball from Coghlan that acknowledged Nick caught his first home run ball and thanked him for doing so, a photo with him, and, to top it all off, a Hanley Ramirez bat).  And so this whole sleezy ordeal begins.

Anyway, a fellow Tigers fan posted Nick's MLBlog link with his side of the story, so I ventured over to read it (it has since been deleted presumably because of all the harassment he's receiving over all this).  Before reading, I made an agreement with myself to keep an open mind and give a fair chance to both sides (Nick and the Marlins) in determining who I thought was right and what I would have done if I were in his shoes.  After all, I read the "youngsters" side of the story before reading any other in depth take on the situation, so you'd think I'd probably lean his way on the matter after reading his side of the story.  Well, after reading everything he had to say I could not possibly side with "The Happy Youngster" on this one.  The following is a polished version of a post I left on BYB's comments.  I did some more research on "The Happy Youngster" and made changes as my opinion on the matter has grown a lot stronger.  I also added some thoughts at the end.

First and foremost, I want to address this guy's fandom.  He claims to be the biggest Brewers fan in the world.  In fact, he claims Brewers media has tabbed him as the Brewers No. 1 fan.  Yet, I watched a video of him at a Brewers game reaching over the fence and snagging a ball off the bat of a Houston Astros hitter.  Not only did he turn a potential double into a home run against his Brewers team, he celebrated the catch like a kid on Christmas morning who just got that sick ass Schwinn he's always wanted. Doesn't sound like a true fan to me.  I understand getting a ball is exciting, but a true fan doesn't do that to his team.  In fact, John Mapplethorpe had a chance to grab a ball from over the wall at a Tigers game, but held back from grabbing it (and giving Pudge Rodriguez a ground rule double) for fear he would take away a potential triple (and that he would get kicked out and miss the rest of his team's game).  That's a true fan, not cheering when the other team is winning, like so:

Furthermore, Nick Yohanek, a married man, went to the ball park with his buddy, Dino in custom made t-shirts (glove + ball = smiley face), with their gloves like a couple of kids, and swap their Brewers hats with the opposing team’s just to dupe their way into getting more baseballs. To me a die-hard fan doesn’t do this.  To me, he’s already being unreasonable and we haven’t even gotten to this whole ball exchange hoopla. Whether he's truly a die-hard Brewers fan or not might not be that big of a deal, but it certainly doesn’t help his case when trying to argue that he’s being a reasonable person by making a reasonable request in exchange for the baseball.

At first, my main problem with his requests was that he raised the stakes (especially after being denied a Hanley Ramirez bat).  In his blog all he mentions at first is wanting a signed bat and ball from Coghlan.  Then brings up how he wanted to meet with him and have a photo taken with him.  Then he brings up his request for a Hanley bat and after that he was denied that, he jumps to wanting tickets to an entire series.

How is this reasonable?

Even a homeless person knows upping a request is not reasonable. You never hear a homeless guy around Comerica Park asking for a five dollar bill after you tell him you don't have any spare change.  It’s just not reasonable to ask for tickets after being denied a bat.

I agree that an organization should be prepared to give out a replacement ball or even a bat from the player to the fan for a nice gesture of returning a home run ball.  After all, property law says a ball batted into the stands is now the property of the fan and he has no obligation of returning it--Nick knows this as he stressed to Coghlan that he worked in law enforcement and Coghlan replied, "good for you"-- but Hanley Ramirez had nothing to do with this exchange. I realize he’s the star of the team and a Hanley bat is more valuable to him than some rookie who just hit his first big league home run, but asking for a bat from both, and then tickets after being denied one of the bats, is asking a little much.

I understand the thrill involved when getting a ball from someone or catching a foul ball.  Personally, I get my rocks off (amongst other things) on telling people the stories and having the personal memory. I don’t need the actual ball. You can freaking buy MLB balls and rub Mississippi mud on them to make them look game worn, so it’s not a huge deal to have one, especially when you're in your twenties.  I‘ve gotten four balls in my life attending games (that I distinctly remember), three of them coming off the bats of players (Darrin Fletcher, Magglio Ordonez, and Curtis Granderson).  (One was actually after the long ass rain delay against St. Louis last summer. You can see me on TV reaching over a seat to snag Granderson’s foul ball before some middle aged man wearing a glove could.  You then see me handing it to my dad. If you have MLB.tv and remember that game you can go back and watch it.  I even remember that it happens around the 50 second mark in the 6th or 7th inning. See, I don’t need the ball to tell the story and have the memory forever.)

I would have absolutely no problem giving some MLB’er his first home run ball in exchange for the memory alone.  If that's not enough for wackos like Nick, I think a picture, and maybe a bat, from the player who hit it would be fair compensation.  However, in my opinion, going outside of that player and making ridiculous demands such as a Hanley bat (which could be sold on Ebay for way more than Coghlan's home run ball anyway) and tickets to a series is totally unreasonable.

After searching around on the internet for more information on Nick Yohanek, I've come to the realization that he's not only being completely unreasonable, but I think I hate him.  This is a guy who absolutely loves the limelight.  After being tabbed as a "happy youngster" who caught a home run ball back in 1999, he came to the ballpark the next year with a t-shirt he made for himself that said "The Happy Youngster."  In that same game I mentioned earlier where he stole a ball from his beloved Brewers' left fielder, he caught a second home run ball and proceeded to do his best, way overboard, Bill Gramatica celebration.   He jumped up and down pumping his fists and pointing to his t-shirt over and over again.  He didn't stop there.  He actually took off his shirt so he could hold it up to the cameras and point out the lettering on the front.  While doing so, he revealed his little extra brown sugar covered belly, which was hardly a sight for sore eyes.  I vomitted in my mouth a little.  In this Coghlan game, Nick went around the ballpark speaking with various stadium officials to discuss "negotiations" and "the exchange."  Nick even spoke with the Marlins psychologist, which to me sounds completely fitting.

If you're day job is so freaking awesome, awesome enough to assure Coghlan that you have an "honest job," why the hell do you have to resort to hawking baseballs and making a huge deal about it when a rookie wants his first career home run ball back to give to his mom?  Nick has made such a big deal out of himself, it's sickening.

What really sealed the deal for me was the video (below) I pulled from happyyoungster.com, Nick's website dedicated to memorializing all the balls he has in his collection (Ironically, his latest victim before Coghlan, was Miguel Cabrera--I guess he travels, too).  In this video you can see what I, and plenty of Brewers bloggers, have been saying.

In fact, a Brewers blogger probably says it best:

“The Happy Youngster” makes me sick. This guy is pathetic, greedy and delusional to think his novelty “celebrity” is anything more than a hokey gimmick. Grow up, guy. Give foul and non-milestone homerun balls to kids instead of hoarding them for your stupid collection/obsession that somehow validates your life. Kids grow up imagining hitting a big league homer. This guy was fortunate enough to do it, and you wedged your dorky head and unjustifably inflated ego into his moment to - what? - score a few tickets and a signed bat. Eat shit, geek.

Overcoming drug and alcohol addictions is more possible with the help of drug treatment professionals.

Now, I don't want to get the reputation of being a hater.  I know I recently trashed Cleveland's teams, but in that instance I was provoked by obnoxious Cavs fans who disrespected Pistons supporters in the Palace during a lopsided first round series between the #8 seed Pistons and top seeded Cavs.  I really don't have any ill will against Cleveland or their teams.  In fact, I wouldn't mind if the Cavs won it all this year.  Speaking of Cleveland sports, check out Paneech.com for a strong sports site out of the great state of Ohio.

I'm really not a hater at all.  However, there is one city and one city alone whose teams I adamantly root against in all sports:  Boston.  I lived outside of Boston for a couple years, and upon moving there I truly looked forward to attending sporting events in a tradition-rich town, and maybe even pulling for their teams when they weren't playing our hometown Detroit teams.  This idea was blown up the first Tigers-Red Sox series I went to at Fenway when I was constantly verbally abused by morons who couldn't pronounce the "r's" at the end of words.  At the end of the third game of a three game series between the Tiges and Sox in 2006 when we narrowly missed a sweep, my friend and I had to be escorted out of Fenway because we were being showered with pizza boxes, beers, and anything else the Southies could hurl at us.  And at a meaningless Pistons-Celtics game pre-KG/Ray Allen, a young girl threw a full beer on me after a brief discussion about whose team "sucked more."

I realize that there are jerks in every city and any stadium.  However, the "Massholes" in Boston are far too numerous for my taste.  I've worn opposing gear to Michigan football games at Notre Dame Stadium and Spartan Stadium (Michigan State), Detroit Lions games at Lambeau Field (Packers), FedEx Field (Redskins), and Bank of America Stadium (Panthers), as well as to Pistons and Red Wings games in Charlotte and Raleigh, among other cities.  And aside from a few isolated exchanges, I have been treated with respect at each and every venue I have attended outside of the state of Michigan, with the complete exception of games in Boston.  In Boston there are dicks sitting in every section, loitering at every concession stand, standing next to you at every urinal, and lurking around every corner.  Most of them are mildly retarded, although even the well-educated of the bunch are ignorant when it comes to sports and possess the mean streak of a felon living in a trailer park (think Brad Pitt's character in Kalifornia- great flick, by the way.) 

So I enjoy it thoroughly when Boston teams lose.  Suffice it to say, the last few days have been heavenly with both the Eastern Conference #1 seed Boston Bruins and the Eastern Conference #2 seed Boston Celtics losing game 7's at home to the Carolina Hurricanes and Orlando Magic, respectively.  (The Red Sox are also faltering of late, which is a nice bonus.)  I enjoyed these losses almost as much as I enjoyed the Red Wings starting their Western Conference Final series against the division rival Chicago Blackhawks with a 5-2 win, and the Tigers absolutely pounding the A's to sweep a 3 game series at the Copa to remain in first place in the Central Division.  Suck it Boston!

Kenyon Martin has a pair of lips tattooed on his neck, which he got for his girlfriend. Call me old fashioned, but usually a box of chocolates or even a nice necklace or bracelet would have done just fine, Kenyon.  Instead, he has to walk around with the world's ugliest, largest, and most permanent hicky I've seen since I was viciously attacked by these wild packs of girls in high school (who may very well have been vampires--I'm still sensitive to light). Anyway, the tat makes me nauseous.

As you may already know, things are boiling over into the stands in the Dallas/Denver series.  Mark Cuban apparently told Kenyon Martin's mommy her son was a "punk" and/or a "thug," and both Kenyon and his mom took exception to that.  Then, apparently Mavs season ticket holders are dishing out racial slurs to Carmelo Anthony's fiance like bags of peanuts.  Cuban was nice enough to issue a very classy apology, but Kenyon's still hot and bothered.  As for the woman harassing Carmelo's fiance, she denies the whole thing and even says Anthony's fiance and body guard instigated the whole thing.

I have no idea who to believe in the Carmelo's fiance fiasco nor do I really care.  However, I am going to have to side with Cuban on this whole "he said what to momma?" hoopla that has been distracting fans from what's actually going on in this series: A Dallas beat down.  Even though I'm starting to believe that Cuban is just a whiny bitch and his antics as loyal and really cool t-shirt wearing owner are tiring, he did write a very nice apology.  He even offered to further mend the little quibble by going above and beyond the call of duty as far as normal apologies are concerned.  He offered Kenyon's mother extra security and a suite for the next game, and a nice steak dinner once the season is over.  The one downside to the apology is that he did it through his blog, but in his defense blogs are the fresh way of letting the public see what you have to say.  Not to mention the fact that it might be tough to apologize to Kenyon or his mother eye-to-eye when the first thing they'd probably do is punch his face in.  Either way you look at it, you don't see that type of stuff being put on the table when it comes to apologies.

Martin must not have gotten, or accepted Cuban's apology.  As Bernie Mac said to Marcus in Bad Santa, he'd probably also say to Kenyon, if he were living (RIP), "you got some lip on you, midget" (irony), especially after seeing the following video of Martin kindly asking Cuban to walk the other way after the Mavs won game 4.

Yeah, Martin's not a punk or a thug.  Cuban shrugs it off and high fives a senile grandma.

Game 5 is tonight at 9 PM and if there was ever a game where things from the court could carry over to the crowd like it did in 2004 with the Pistons/Pacers this series certainly has the ingrediants.  I know I'll be watching.