Baseball has got entirely too many unwritten rules: don’t stare down a pitcher after you take his fastball yard, never talk about a no-no while said game is in progress, and traditional cheating like stealing signs and giving the ole’ spitball are permissible (but NOT steroids).

But baseball writers have equally as many unwritten rules. No one is good enough to be a first-ballot Hall of Famer and your team must make the playoffs in order to win the league M.V.P.  (unless you are Albert Pujols, who has already been crowned the greatest player in the history of the universe). There is also only two ways of getting a Gold Glove: you either get the Greg Maddux treatment and win it on reputation alone or you have the batting average to back up your fielding numbers (which makes perfect sense).

Either way, Brandon Inge, no hardware for you.

Again.

Here are the 2009 AL Gold Glove winner’s batting averages:

C Joe Mauer:   .356 
OF Ichiro Suzuki:  .352 
SS Derek Jeter:  .334 
OF Torri Hunter:  .299 
1B Mark Teixeira: .292  
2B Placido Polanco: .285 
3B Evan Longoria: .281 
OF Adam Jones:  .277

Brandon Inge: .230

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