"Phil Jackson is a friend and one of the best minds in the business," Tom Gores said. "We are thrilled to have him as an adviser as we make some very important decisions for this franchise. Joe (Dumars) and I discussed this and he and I are in full agreement that this is a great opportunity."
What will his role be exactly? One of Gores' dudes has some insight:
"Phil Jackson and Tom Gores are friends," said Mark Barnhill, a partner in Platinum Equity, Gores’ California-based private equity firm. "Based on that relationship, Phil has agreed to provide advice and counsel on the coaching search and immediate basketball needs. He will be in Detroit next week as a resource to Joe Dumars, who is leading the search.
"Phil’s role is to advise Joe, Tom and the ownership team, not to assume a formal position inside the Pistons organization," Barnhill said.
Or, at the very least, somebody with a name that most of the fans will not be able to pronounce before he's fired in 2-3 years.
That man is Zeljko Obradovic, who as far as we know has no relation to former Piston Zeljko Rebraca. But he is related to Gregg Popovich, kind of. The two are apparently buddies and Popovich learned from Obradovic -- and not the other way around. Obradovic is known as the European Phil Jackson, which means he could win a lot of rings and say some offensive things along the way, and the Pistons are reportedly interested.
Tom Gores had unreasonably high expectations for the Pistons this year (playoffs!? playoffs!?) and when the team finished the season 29-53, worse than last year, someone had to take the fall. Talk of firing Frank started after the Pistons started 0-8 this season and with the way the Pistons played in March, he didn't really stand a chance.
No speculation as to who the next coach might be, but he will cost Gores an additional $4 million, as that's how much Frank is owed for next season.
My favorite Piston of the New Bad Boys era, Rasheed Wallace, has officially retired for the second time in his career because of foot surgery. In his prime, he was as tough of a matchup as there was in the league, and his mid-season acquisition was the main reason Detroit won a championship in 2004. He also made everyone hate Darko slightly less.
But that’s probably not all we’ll remember the enigmatic star for. So in honor of his second retirement, let’s play a little Rasheed Wallace Free Word Association game:
Wait a second – on the eve of the greatest three weeks in all of sports, you’re going to talk about the grossly-out-of-contention Detroit Pistons??
Come on, they deserve their one shining moment, too.
With 13 games left in the regular season and 12.5 games out of 8th place in the Eastern Conference, it’s safe to say you can write the Pistons off for making a big push at a playoff run. And with Opening Day for the Tigers only 12 days away, and the aforementioned March Madness tournament about get underway, it’s possible that Pistons viewing might get put on the back burner.
But we can’t let that happen! You don’t want to miss out on lottery tanking, super-duper athletic opponents or the potential and much anticipated return of Andre Drummond!
So with that in mind, below are the power rankings of Pistons games still worth watching and their dramatic story lines:
5) @Toronto, 4/1 – “Jose’s Jomecoming”
How will the Air Canada Centre’s crowd react to Jose Calderon’s first return to Toronto? Will he get booed or cheered – and how will he respond when the game’s on the line? How much French fries and gravy will Jason Maxiell eat? So many questions!
4) vs. Chicago, 4/7 – “Rose Returns?”
Purely speculative, but if Derrick Rose was going return this season to help the Bulls with a playoff run, wouldn’t you want to ease into things against Pistons with five games remaining? He says he won’t return until he has complete confidence in his surgically repair knee, even though he’s been medically cleared. What better way to gain that confidence than playing in front of a lackluster team and 900 person crowd in Detroit? We’ll just have to talk to Reggie Rose to confirm.
3) @Boston, 4/3 – “For Old Timers Sake”
The Boston Celtics will be jockeying for playoff position on the backs of aging stars Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. At 36, this might be the last hoorah for Garnett, as he’s alluded to retiring in recent months. So wouldn’t it be nice if the Pistons could rally to give Garnett one last “Eff you, you son of a bitch?”
2) vs. Charlotte, 4/12 – “Tank-a-palooza”
Oh boy. This is the motherload. With just three games remaining, the Pistons will be in full-fledge tank mode. But will the bumbling Bobcats foil their plans of lottery domination? Nothing but hilarity can ensue from this game, and the unintentional comedy factor is going to be through the roof! Will BJ Mullens’ 13 points and 8 rebounds be enough to overcome Rodney Stuckey’s 12 points, 5 assists and 4 turnovers? Tune in to find out!
1) @Miami 3/22 – “Thy Kingdom Come”
Because the Heat are chasing a historical win streak. And because they are virtuosos on offense and defense. And because LeBron James is the best player in the world. And because of this:
As if losing by a combined 45 points in two nights didn't make them feel small enough, the Pistons had to endure cold showers in Utah after Monday night's loss [via MLIVE]:
When you're cold, you're cold, and the Detroit Pistons, already down two starters Monday, found an additional irritant when they didn't have hot water for their post-game showers.
That truly added insult to injury.
TRULY. Penises probably shrunk all the way down to just above the average sizes for human males. It would have been extremely humiliating if any of the well-endowed media had seen, I'm sure. It's just a good thing Lawrence Frank wasn't there - he may have been mistaken for a woman.
Blame it on the angle all you want, if you want to be fair - it apparently fooled everyone on media row - but you can't deny the hilarity here when Washington Wizards' announcer Steve Buckhantz got it all wrong and only realized it when nobody else was sharing his excitement.