Happy birthday, Logan Couture.

Pavel Datsyuk is here to remind you how slippery that ice can be:

Muahahahaha!

UPDATE: Logan Couture was cool about it: 

Hey @datsyuk13 really bro? On my bday...cmonnnn.. Someone fix that ice in the corner..youtube.com/watch?v=LwyVi6…

— Logan Couture (@Logancouture) March 29, 2013

Bruce Rondon was optioned to Toledo this morning. Thus, the Tigers will open the season with the weirdest closer in baseball not named Jose Valverde:

#Tigers Dombrowski about closer by committee: "it's maybe different, unusual, but it doesn't mean it won't work."

— Tom Gage (@Tom_Gage) March 28, 2013

And he spells his first name the right way. 

Ndamukong Suh was eliminated from 'Splash' after just two dives, a bloody nose and saving Louie Anderson's life. His PR manager (and diving instructor) should be fired. 

GIF via Guyism

Tigers have indicated to other teams that Ramon Santiago is available.

— Buster Olney (@Buster_ESPN) March 27, 2013

This is just like the time I my friend snuck up on a group of girls in the women's locker room, dropped my his pants and told all the lovely half-dressed ladies they could have it if they wanted it. 

Nothing official, but I think Drummond might play Friday. #Pistons

— Vincent Ellis (@Vincent_Ellis56) March 27, 2013

And this is just a few days after another Pistons beat reporter named Vincent predicted Drummond would play AND start on Tuesday. Drummond, who is considered day to day by Keith Langlois, was ruled out for that game on Monday afternoon. 

It was 16 years ago today that the seemingly docile net protectors of the Red Wings and Avalanche squared off and beat the shit out of each other in the greatest collective fight in sports – neigh – mankind history.

At least that’s how I pictured it in my head at the time. Bear in mind, I was a little gap-toothed fourth-grader rocking a hard bowl cut. My perception of goalies was solely based off what I had seen in The Mighty Ducks, so I assumed they were all schlubby wisecracking Jewish kids.

The fight ended up becoming the rallying cry for the Red Wings that season, where they won their first of back-to-back Stanley Cups and solidified Detroit as “Hockeytown.”

Oh, and those Roys? Yeah, they’re still a bunch of assholes.

So go have a beer and celebrate this great day in Detroit history. Lord only knows how many Larry Murphy has had today – he’s got time.

Too soon?

Rick Porcello made his sixth start of Spring Training on Monday afternoon and was impressive yet again. In 24 innings, he hasn't walked a batter and is striking out almost eight hitters per nine innings.  Look, I don't give a Tuiasosopo if you think Spring Training doesn't mean anything -- Porcello has never been better. 

So yeah, his value is at an all-time high -- why don't we just fucking trade him?

Lynn Henning and Tony Paul of The Detroit News are convinced the Tigers will trade the 24 year old before Opening Day: 

A week till Opening Day and I still say the #Tigers work out a Rick Porcello trade.

— Tony Paul (@TonyPaul1984) March 25, 2013

Only on Opening Day and if he's still in Detroit will I believe Rangers haven't traded for Porcello. Simply makes too much sense.

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) March 25, 2013

I actually like Lynn Henning, but trading Porcello doesn't make any sense to me. Sure, the Tigers have six viable starting pitchers for five spots - it makes fine sense in that light - but that's awfully shortsighted. We need 5, but we have 6, so how do we make 5? Sabermetrics, of course. 

Porcello has been underwhelming to say the least in four big league seasons, but expectations aside, the kid's been a reliable 4-5 starter his entire career. Sure, he was supposed to be an ace in the making, but that's no longer needed right now. Did I mention that Porcello's only 24?!

Drew Smyly, who has only one season of MLB experience under his belt, will be 24 in June. He's good, a lefty and probably doesn't wear graphic tees and gel his hair, but the Tigers can't be as confident in knowing what they will get out of him for an entire season.  

But pitching depth is important. The Tigers have averaged over 10 starting pitchers per season dating back to 2006. In a 162-game season, spot starts arise and I'd rather have those innings eaten by Smyly (or Porcello) than anybody else in the Tigers' system. Unless the haul is worth it, and I'm thinking big league ready gap filler, it makes more sense to hang on to Porcello and let Smyly start the year in Toledo. Re-assess things at the trade deadline.

UPDATE:  Rick Porcello will be the 5th starter. Drew Smyly will be in the bullpen, per Jason Beck. OBVIOUSLY, the Rangers didn't have a good enough offer. 

I bet Luigi's UZR is better than Miggy @detroit4lyfe RT @realpfielder28: Sweet cake for my son's birthday. say.ly/LsC5rqL

— Daniel (@bohnlein) March 25, 2013

Now that the Detroit Lions have picked up Reggie Bush to complement Calvin Johnson, the new two headed monster in the Motor City might have you reaching for your wallet to purchase some season tickets for what might prove to be the most dynamic and prolific offense in the NFL. The question is, what are you waiting for? Grab those season passes right now.

If you're going to be seen in the stands, you're going to have to deck yourself out in the jersey of your favorite player as well as take on the cost of season tickets. You'll probably want to open a new credit card just for these purchases. Before you just go and open up the first offer that shows up in your mailbox, compare the best credit card offers that you can find. There are plenty of options out there - just like free agency!

This time, once you've started looking, you'll find that the best card interest rates are low and fixed. Very similar to the way the Lions let go of perennial false starter Gosard Cherilus, you can let go of some of your under-performing cards and replace them with ones that will do what you want, when you want them to, without being hit with penalties.

Ok, enough about that. Let's talk about the real deal here - the Lions actually making a deep run into the playoffs. After a dismal showing last year, mostly due to mental errors and the inability to hold a lead, there is some hope here. Not only is there a chance to have a real run game with a game breaker like Bush in the backfield. He also brings athleticism to the short pass game. Look to see a lot of inside screen passes and motion out of the backfield. There are very few linebackers or safeties that can stay with Bush in the open field. He isn't a Barry Sanders, but he is a game changer. If the Lions get a run game going, that will open up the passing game and we won't see the bookend coverage on Calvin Johnson that we saw all of last year.

The offensive line looks to be in good shape with Riley Reiff and Jason Fox stepping up to anchor the line with Dominic Raiola, Rob Simms and Corey Hilliard, we have the makings of a strong run and pass blocking core. Couple that with Will Heller and Brandon Pettigrew and the offense looks as strong as ever. (Not to mention any draft additions!)

The defense, even after losing some key players, could end up stronger than last year. Detroit will look to upgrade in the secondary and in the defensive ends to replace Kyle Vanden Bosch and Corey Williams. There are plenty of good options for each position both in the draft and in free agency.

So, get those season tickets. This could be a special season. 

I mentioned this on Twitter yesterday after watching Zero Dark Thirty:

Detroit Tigers hat in Zero Dark Thirty. America's team, obvs twitter.com/Detroit4lyfe/s…

— Detroit4lyfe (@Detroit4lyfe) March 24, 2013

What did not register with me at the time was that Matt "so-so pop" Tuiasosopo played Larry.

Helping find and kill Bin Laden - even in a movie - could go a long way to making the team.